How Can I Rebuild Trust in my Marriage?

I have failed to keep a level of trust up in our marriage.  I have tried to cover up minor mistakes (saying I did like something when I did not like to do it).  Further I have been short with the kids because my wife gives more attention to them than me. Now my wife has little desire for intimacy.  We had a painful honest heart to heart discussion this past weekend I know I must be less selfish, build up trust again, and be patient. I know that she still cares and loves me but I must find a way to rekindle that love spark.

Answer:

God has shown you an essential truth in relationships.  They are built on trust. Admitting your failures is a definite beginning to rebuilding trust, but true repentance is a change of mindset that totally forsakes the habits of making excuses and cover-up lies with transparency and light.  Darkness covers up the truth and produces a foggy, unsettled life.  Light not only exposes dirt and spots, but reveals clear direction–a new way of responding to life. However, this is easier said than done because deception is much easier at the moment of response to a challenge.  It seems to suit our immediate purposes more quickly than complete honesty.

“This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil.

“For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

“But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.” John 3:19-21

The solution to overcoming a deceptive lifestyle is to “practice the truth”.  Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  Practicing the truth does not mean that you live a perfect life, but that you surrender to the person of Jesus, that you seek Him and respond to what He shows you.  You come to His light.  When he exposes sin or wrong thinking in your life, you immediately admit the truth and respond accordingly.  This should become the new habit in your life that replaces the old habit of deception.

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; 7 but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.  1 John 1:5-8

We do not know if you have a relationship with Christ, but He is our hope and light.  His intent is that you would have a vibrant, loving marriage centered on Him.  Please read and reread the scriptures that we pointed out.  Let God show you their value in your present situation.  The first thing that you need to do is confirm that there has been a time in your life when you surrendered all of yourself to Christ.  If you have never done this or are uncertain what we mean, please re-contact us and explain your perspective.

We have written a book entitled, “What is Marriage?”  It is a very small concise book that covers the basic essentials for marriage.  It would lead you back to the basics of a trusting relationship as you work to rekindle your relationship.

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